Winter is just beginning here in The Netherlands as I write this blog but somehow it already feels as if it has been here for some time. Like many other countries we have renewed restrictions because of the rising Coronavirus infection rate. Like many others, I have not had a face to face meeting with a friend for more than five weeks. The picnics and walks in nature that were a huge comfort during the earlier phases of the pandemic are much more problematic now with the weather taking a turn for the worse.
As I work at my desk emails come in from colleagues and friends in the UK worrying about the final dismal attempts to save the country from more economic hardship with the worse kind of Brexit deal. Political upset is rife right now with the election in the US, where it’s hard to find much to celebrate.
Everything points to a long, hard winter. I’ve heard of people who say that they’ve learnt helpful things from the enforced limitations that everyone’s been experiencing. Things that have led them to reassess parts of their lives and come to different conclusions about how they want to continue when things return to some kind of normal. Perhaps this winter could be a time to dig deeper and to see what habits we’ve gotten into that aren’t working for us any longer? Maybe, there are some new corners to turn, or things to unlock that could help us further down the road?
Here’s some of the places that I am looking into.
Getting in touch with my own tender heart
One of the things that attracted me to Tibetan Buddhism is the idea that all of us are naturally kind and loving. There’s no notion of original sin—rather original goodness. Each of us has the choice to work with our minds and hearts to uncover this goodness, which is presently covered over by neurosis and unhelpful habits.
As a long-term meditator, I do have confidence in this view of human nature. When I am well in myself it’s certainly possible to access the tenderness of my heart. I’m in touch with the idea that people want to be happy and not to have to deal with pain and suffering. The fact that pain and suffering is inevitable for myself and others certainly touches my heart deeply. There’s a strong motivation to somehow be of help and service.
It’s the times when I am not completely at ease where things get trickier. Here’s an example. In my view, Brexit is an appalling mistake and a terrible burden for future generations who have been deprived of the experience of being fully European. When looking at the politicians who have cynically made this happen it’s hard to feel the same tenderness of heart. It’s not impossible—I can dig deeper and find some understanding, but it’s fragile and is easily swept aside by my frustration.
This winter is likely to see all kinds of developments that will challenge the tenderness of my heart. One thing that works well for me is to check how I feel when I can count on that tenderness, as opposed to how I feel when I can’t. The difference between the two experiences is like the difference between the sparkle of a beautiful spring morning and the turbulence of a rainy winter afternoon.
Accepting the rawness of vulnerability
Earlier on I referred to the habits we have that tend to cover over our essential goodness. One of the most entrenched is our habit of not seeing things as they are. The very nature of life is that it is uncertain, and subject to constant change. This is too uncomfortable for us. We prefer certainty, continuity—we want to be in control.
The experience of this pandemic has brought home to us all how uncertain life is. Things we took for granted a few months ago now seem like a dream. Our habitual response is to try and protect ourselves so we can feel better. Our habit is to turn away from discomfort and to cover up any feelings of vulnerability. This habit has the effect of freezing circumstances which are actually fluid. It puts us in a cage created by our fear of discomfort.
I am trying to work on turning into those feelings of discomfort as a way of finding out what is actually going on. Leaning in means that I have to look at what is making me uncomfortable—to understand it and confront it. It’s the only way that there’ll be a chance to work with it and to open the door of the cage.
We could call this process of turning towards discomfort ‘the rawness of vulnerability’. When I manage to stay with all the uncomfortable feelings that come up for me—fear about coronavirus, feelings of loss as I miss seeing friends and family—then I am touching where I feel vulnerable. Rather than this making me feel weaker, it gives me courage because I am opening to what comes rather than closing. Connecting with my own vulnerability helps me to connect with the vulnerability of other people as well.
Not losing heart
I like to stay connected to the news and what is going on in the world, but it is not always easy. In fact, sometimes I can feel quite downhearted about how things are going. I can see that this is certainly something to keep an eye on through this long winter.
So, what happens when it all feels too much? It’s generally when I get too involved in opinions about what is happening. There’s a shift from understanding to taking sides and we’re back to not working from a tender heart. I am trying to work with this by recognizing when my own habits are coming into play and obscuring the issue. To do that, I need to widen my perspective and to pay close attention to how my reactions are working. My meditation is helpful here because it’s helped me to develop some degree of self-awareness.
I need to remember that everything I do matters. Even if I am just thinking stuff in my mind and not acting it out, I am still increasing my tendencies to behave in such a way. It’s another choice—do I want to add to the sufferings in the world with my own behaviour, or do I wantto try and work with my habits?
When I am able to pay attention and work with unhelpful habits then I am in touch with my own tender heart and there’s much less chance of losing heart. Then there is a chance to be able to share that with the people I come into contact with. Wasn’t it Gandhi who advised us to be the change we want to see in the world?
Awareness in Action is dedicated to building a community of people interested in living a life of meaning and purpose based on sustainable wellbeing. If you would like to join with us, you could make a start by sharing and commenting on the ideas you find in the blogs on these pages. Your story is part of our journey.
As the Corona Virus story develops, I’ve found myself thinking quite a bit of what it means to forgive. It’s something about the intensity of the current situation that’s made me question some of my basic assumptions around certain relationships.
What’s to forgive?
We’re several months into the Corona Crisis now and the atmosphere has changed since it all began. To begin with there was a sense that we are all in this together. Our shared vulnerability brought us together and made us feel close. Sadly, as events have unfolded this closeness has been exposed on many levels as being only skin-deep.
Huge gaps have opened up between how countries choose to protect their citizens. The divide between rich and poor countries is echoed in the difference between how well-off families are coping and what it’s like for lower-income families. Frontline workers receive plenty or praise but, in many cases have not been given the protections they need to care for themselves as they fight the virus. Old people in care homes, along with their carers have been too often over-looked. Insidiously, the virus has proven to have an even more devastating effect on BAME citizens. The global economy is reeling.
We all have our views of how different sectors are dealing with the crisis. As a Brit living in the Netherlands, I am profoundly grateful for the no-nonsense, practical approach that I find here. With family and friends living in the UK, I am consumed with sorrow and worry. It’s all too easy to blame politicians for not taking enough care. Forgiveness seems in short supply.
Am I able to forgive?
There are politicians who inspire trust and confidence. When they get things wrong it’s much easier to understand that no-one is perfect and to want to forgive them. The whole process is helped along when people in the public eye are able to admit it when they get things wrong and focus on putting it right.
Part of the challenge is that we live in such polarised times. It troubles me that I only need to hear the name of certain public figures to feel upset, or even angry. How can I forgive someone that I do not trust?
Perhaps this is the very time to try to go deeper. Why would someone act in ways that are dishonest and self-seeking? Does it imply a person at ease with themselves and their world? Could there be a possibility for a compassionate approach here—to try to separate the person from their actions? When we feel threatened, or uncertain it’s all too easy to behave in ways that are not necessarily beneficial. It does not mean that there is not a person inside who wishes to manage better but is currently struggling.
My approach just now is to try and see the person behind the actions that I disagree with and to try to fathom their reasons for being the way they are. It’s not easy for sure but I want to try. My wish is to stand for what I belief in with fervour but minus the hostility. I want forgiveness to be my fall back position.
Buddhist teaching on Buddhanature
When I encountered Buddhism, I was attracted by the presentation of what is called Buddhanature. It’s the idea that each of us is fundamentally whole, fully aware, wise and compassionate by nature—in other words, perfect as we are. It’s kind of the opposite of original sin. The thing is that we do not recognise our nature for what it is. We get distracted and follow along with the products of that distraction—ego, neurosis, self-absorption and so on. That means that we can behave in all kind of unfortunate ways.
The Buddhist path is all about learning to access your Buddhanature more effectively. However, here’s the thing—everyone has Buddhanature, including those politicians who I can no longer trust. So, here is the source of my aspiration to separate the person from their actions and to cut down on judgment. If I can remember for a moment that a person’s nature is whole and full of potential, then I can feel regret when they are not living up to it. Just as I do with myself. That makes it easier to forgive.
Focusing on the personal
It’s a way to try and stay personal with someone. To remember that they are a human being, just like me. I call it ‘focusing on the personal’. It’s much easier to put into practice with people that you know.
I’ve had two recent examples of how being able to forgive brings about so much relief and ease. Over the last couple of years, I’ve been struggling with a feeling of hurt with a family member. Harsh words were exchanged, and other members of the family got drawn in. It was very uncomfortable. When lockdown began, I heard that this person was in isolation and all alone. Somehow this knowledge cut right through all my feelings of displeasure and judgment. I immediately picked up the phone and had the first real conversation that we had enjoyed for months. All the things that I had objected to seemed to be quite insignificant in the face of all that was going on with regard to the pandemic. It seemed that in fact, there really was nothing to forgive.
The second example is with a group of people that I work with. We’re a loosely connected bunch, who are being asked to work together more closely. As we’ve never really gelled in a creative way, there was a high level of apprehension. A member of the group suggested that we meet together and tell each other two or three things that we find inspiring about the way we work. The effect was powerful. In expressing what inspired us in each of the people in the group, a long history of mistrust seemed to be swept away. Again, it seemed that after all, there was nothing to forgive.
In my experience, the pressing background of the pandemic can act as a catalyst that makes it more possible to forgive but it takes attention and work.
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Isn’t it incredible how quickly our lives have changed in the last few weeks because of the Corona Virus? Seemingly overnight our way of living has altered dramatically. Yet even among all the anxiety, grief and disorientation there are still glimmerings of good news. It’s this good news that could be the basis for our long-term recovery.
We are all in this together
A striking feature of this situation is how it affects everyone. Not long ago we were watching scenes of flooding in the UK, of refugees flooding across the border in Turkey and the bush fires in Australia and Brazil. Like most people, I found these scenes distressing and they occupied my mind for ages. At the same time, I had the luxury of them not happening to me—they were happening to other people.
All this has changed now. This virus is affecting the lives of everyone on the planet—how we work, socialise, keep our economy afloat—the list is endless. There’s no room to say one country is getting something wrong and another right. We just don’t know. Governments are making up their responses as we go along. They’re trying their best, but they don’t really know what will happen.
Everyone is anxious and uncertain. However wealthy, powerful or successful you are it doesn’t matter. We’ve seen celebrities, royalty and politicians all going down with it. The virus does not discriminate.
So, what is the good news here?
If we pay attention this could be a real wake-up call for how we care for each other. As we witness each person’s vulnerability it’s brought home to us strongly that is the very nature of being human. We all know this but in the rough and tumble of living it can get pushed to the back of our minds. As we focus on making living, caring for our families and living as best we can it’s all too easy to overlook the importance and uniqueness of each human being.
Now as we stand side by side through this pandemic, we know that just as each of us is anxious and worried, so is everyone else. Whenever we feel closed in by not being able to go out into the spring air, we can remember that this is how it is for almost everyone. As we struggle to get in supplies, we know that it’s not just us wanting to make our home as safe as possible. It’s as if our personal defences have melted away and we are all vulnerable together.
We are experiencing the reality of our connected world
The source of the coronavirus is believed to be a “wet market” in Wuhan which sold both dead and live animals including fish and birds. We know that such markets pose a heightened risk of viruses jumping from animals to humans. This is because hygiene standards are difficult to maintain if live animals are being kept and butchered on site. Typically, they are also densely packed allowing disease to spread from species to species.The animal source of Covid-19 has not yet been identified, but the original host is thought to be bats. Bats were not sold at the Wuhan market but may have infected live chickens or other animals sold there.
If this is correct, then just think of a scenario where a farmer, or butcher takes his animals along to the market to sell. He’s probably done it many times before without thinking about it too much. This time however, one or more of his animals is infected. In the crowded market, somehow the infected animal comes into contact with other animals and humans. The chain of the virus beings to unravel from there on.
We live in a deeply interconnected world. Although we may behave as if we are independent, autonomous entities, the truth is that we are not. It’s not so clear how the virus got to Italy but the fact that it was the half-term holiday around then was significant. There’s a whole group of people who go skiing in February in Europe in Italy, France and Austria. It was as these people came back home that the virus started to spread.
Now as we try to deal with the effects, we see again and again how much we need each other—whatever country we live in, whatever our situation. This does not mean that the co-operation is always there but our awareness of the need for it is growing. Slowly it become something we see more clearly and have more respect for.
Strangely, we are also learning how to suffer. According to Buddhism, understanding the truth of suffering is essential for us to achieve wisdom. It’s only by understanding our human condition that we can be inspired to grow and change. However, suffering is uncomfortable, and we often want to turn away from it. Rather than examine difficult circumstances, we often prefer to distract ourselves from them. Right now, we are surrounded with news about the virus. Anyone we talk to has something to say about it. Newspapers, news programmes and social media are all abuzz with it. There really isn’t anywhere to hide.
When we ask each other how we are, each of us knows the seriousness of what we are asking. It does not work to just talk about all the places we can’t go and the people we can’t see. We can only reply with a version of how we actually are.
Even the environment is experiencing some good news
We’ve seen that pollution and greenhouse gas emissions have fallen since the isolation measures were put in place. Fish can be seen in the canals in Venice, smog has lifted in Kathmandu. Satellite images from NASA and European Space Agency have shown a significant decrease in nitrogen dioxide pollution.
The virus has done what climate activists have not so far been able to do. Planes sit idle, and car use is reduced while people stay home. Tourists are not visiting popular destinations. Air quality is improving in most of the big cities.
Probably it won’t last. When this is over, there will be a hug surge to get the economy back on track. People will long for movement and travel. Perhaps though, in this moment of respite, we are learning again to appreciate the planet and our wish to care for it could be deepened.
Our healthcare and support staff are valued for what they do
One of the features of the new normal that we find ourselves in, is the weekly applause from home and balconies for medical staff. These brave doctors and nurses are working tirelessly to do all they can to help the increasing flood of patients.
Added to our gratitude to them is a recognition of the efforts of care staff, supermarket workers, garbage disposal workers, delivery people, postal workers, and all the other people working in vital jobs. It’s ironic, isn’t it, that these people are generally at the lowest end of the pay scale? Personally, I have been amazed at the kindness of the delivery people who bring our groceries. When I thanked one young man for his help at the end of a phone call about getting supplies, he said that at times like this, we all have to help each other.
If we think that middle class people on comfortable salaries are being forced to apply for state aid in droves because of their jobs disappearing, or their pay being cut. Can we hope that this experience will act as a shake-up to accepting the old norms? Will going through this experience give people a taste of how it is for those who live on limited income? Do we dare hope that when we emerge from all this that our health services will get the support they need and the decision is made to look long and hard at the low rates of pay awarded to so many people working in what are currently referred to as vital occupations?
How to make the possibility of good news become part of society after the virus
Like many other people, I have been inspired by the news updates from Andrew Cuomo, the Governor of New York. The other day, I heard him say that there will be no ‘going back’ when this is over. The experience of the virus has been so strong that it just won’t be possible to go back to how we were.
That could be a good thing. The shock of this virus and its effects has given us much to think about. It’s exposed some of the best and the worst of how we organise ourselves. Perhaps as we come out the other side, we can bring with us the fruits of all we have been through. To do that we need to think deeply and to reflect on what are the elements of our society that we can let go of.
I live in the Netherlands and like anyone who lives in a wealthy country, I have the security of knowing that the government will work to offer some support for me and for my family, and for all the families in the Netherlands. What of the garment workers in Bangladesh whose work has disappeared because big western clothing companies are cancelling their orders? More than a million workers have been sent home. As a poor country, Bangladesh will not be able to offer the same support for those people. As our awareness of each other’s vulnerability and our interdependence grows, can we allow this to continue to be the way things are?
Perhaps we can’t go back but we can ensure that where we are going to will reflect positive changes in how we live, not negative ones.
Awareness in Action is dedicated to building a community of people interested in living a life of meaning and purpose based on sustainable wellbeing. If you would like to join with us, you could make a start by sharing and commenting on the ideas you find in the blogs on these pages. Your story is part of our journey.
Understandably news of the Coronavirus is everywhere. Everyone is talking about it. All the news channels, on social media are buzzing with it. Families and friends talk about little else. If you are like me at all you’re trying to manage your fears and stay healthy. Maybe you are also reflecting on what this means for all of us. We are having to change our behaviour to prevent the spread of the disease. What do these changes mean for the future?
I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit over the last week.
Here are 4 ways I think the Coronavirus could be scary beyond the obvious danger to our health and wellbeing.
The Coronavirus blame game
When people are scared, they tend to look for someone to blame. Something of that is happening now with this situation.
We’ve all heard the awful stories of people being beaten up because they look Chinese and are suspected of carrying the virus. Right wing politicians looking for a scapegoat for the Coronavirus have pointed the finger at refuges and refugee camps. In the early days of the virus reaching the USA, Trump referred to it as hoax and fake news, blaming the media and the Democratic Party. Even now, Trump is still referring to the disease as, ‘the Chinese Virus.’
We can hope to shrug off this kind of crazy behaviour, but it sets a poor precedent. In France, President Macron has declared that we are at war with Coronavirus. It can rally people to feel that they are fighting a common enemy. It might even bring them closer together. However, if things go on for too long, or get a lot, worse people might look for an outlet for their frustration.
The long-term impact of social distancing
As each day passes, we hear of more countries where people are being advised to work from home. Schools are being closed and large gatherings cancelled. Here in Amsterdam we’re just getting the first signs of spring. After a miserable wet few weeks, the sun is shining. It’s typical terrace weather—when we can all enjoy sitting in cafes by the water, watching the world go by. Last Sunday all cafes and restaurants in Amsterdam were closed. Now we can only enjoy the spring from our homes and balconies.
Of course, the reasons for social distancing are clear. It could be one of our most important tools in slowing the progress of the virus. However, human beings are social creatures. We need social contact and thrive on it. When we feel lonely and isolated it can affect our mental health, increasing anxiety and stress. Research is also showing that it can damage our physical health too.
I have always enjoyed the custom of shaking hands when you meet someone that is practiced in the Netherlands. When I go to see my dentist, or doctor, we shake hands. It’s considered polite and connects people. People in Amsterdam also give three kisses on greeting friends and family. Of course, none of that is happening now. I worry is that it will be lost forever. When will know that it is alright to shake someone’s hand again? Will we want to stay cautious and simply maintain the new communication habits we acquired during the crisis?
Yesterday evening my partner and I were watching a series on Netflix. The people greeted each other with hugs. We found ourselves reacting with surprise, ‘Gosh they were still doing that!’
It’s been suggested that we could refer to the whole strategy as physical distancing, rather than social distancing. This term encourages keeping the distance we need to combat the spread of the virus but keeps open the possibility of social contact in some acceptable form. It could help us to continue to appreciate the value of social contact and to find safe ways to preserve it through these uncertain times.
Coronavirus makes elderly people more isolated
In January 2018, Theresa May famously appointed a Minister for Loneliness. Organisations such as Age UK have long been instrumental in raising awareness of the effects of loneliness among elderly people. Society is being encouraged to recognise loneliness and to respond by offering connection and friendship.
Now we are faced with the reality of some of our most vulnerable citizens being isolated in their homes for an indefinite period of time. We know it is to protect their safety but if their wellbeing suffers from it, that in itself will affect their ability to withstand the virus.
The BBC has decided to postpone its plans to cancel the free TV licenses for the over-75s because of the Coronavirus. That’s a start. The journalist and TV presenter, Joan Bakewell was on a news programme on TV explaining how she was confined to her home with a cough. A neighbour would be leaving her dinner on her doorstep so she wouldn’t have to cook. We’re going to need many such acts of kindness, and a great deal of ingenuity to help isolated older people feel connected.
The Corona Virus puts us more online than ever
Last week my Dutch class changed from a weekly class in the Language School to an online session. The teacher did a great job and it was a wonderful lesson. Just about everyone I know is working from home now and many school children are having their lessons online.
Microsoft, Google and Zoom are all offering free access to their online meeting platforms. This at least offers a bit of good news amongst all the gloom. A client told me today that his company had held their weekly staff meeting online and it had been great. It’s good to hear that we can adapt and make things work. New ideas and ways of doing things can bring positive change.
My question is more to do with how people will feel when it’s time to get back to normal. It was so much more convenient to save on travel time and be cosily at home to have my Dutch class. When the teacher pointed out that we would continue this way next week, everyone was quite pleased. Will we be willing to go back to the usual weekly meeting? Research is showing how our personal technology is insinuating itself more deeply into our lives. Is managing this virus going to accelerate that process?
What about our besieged highstreets? They were already in crisis and now no-one can go shopping except for food and medicine. We heard last week that Amazon is looking for an additional 100,00 staff to help it cope with the huge increase in demand. Will our local shops still be there when this passes? Will we be willing to go back to visiting the shops personally?
What can we do?
Each of us has a responsibility to take care of ourselves in a meaningful way. It’s only going to be through facing our fears and working with them that we will be able to have the clarity of mind that is needed right now. Things are changing so fast. Old ways of doing things are quickly discarded if they get in the way of protecting ourselves from this threat.
We need to stay calm and be able to assess what we are doing, and to know why we are doing it.
It’s a time for clear self-awareness, along with a deep awareness of other people. Just as each of us is vulnerable and afraid, so is everyone else. If the coronavirus shows one thing plainly it is how interconnected we all are. The actions we take are vital to save lives now, but they also have the power to affect how our lives will be when the Coronavirus dies down. Sure, we will need time to relax and try not to think about it all. It’s important not to get too intense but holding a big perspective is very important.
As we close down and withdraw into our homes and family groups, we need to take with us the perspective of all the many thousands of people doing the same. Just as we don’t want to suffer, or bad things to happen to us, neither do they. If we can open our concern for ourselves and our loved to include concern for all the others, we will be taking a big step towards ensuring that we all manage to come through this well.
Awareness in Action is dedicated to building a community of people interested in living a life of meaning and purpose based on sustainable wellbeing. If you would like to join with us, you could make a start by sharing and commenting on the ideas you find in the blogs on these pages. Your story is part of our journey.
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